The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Randomize
