im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
