I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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