I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
it was like eating out sand paper
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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