All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
false alarm. still invincible.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
