I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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