he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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