There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Randomize
