PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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