I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
