remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
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I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize