Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
