the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I love you.
Bad choice
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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