I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
