Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
