Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
