someone get that fucking seahorse.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
