did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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