im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
