a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Randomize
