stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
