Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
