I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Send help, water and tortillas.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
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