I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize