just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
