we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
