I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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