My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
