u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
