By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
