Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
