JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
