sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
