oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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