You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
