I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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