I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
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So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
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IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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