he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
