so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
