I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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