This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
