I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
