My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
