She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
