I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
