that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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