Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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