i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
