If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
