I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
