i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I'm passing your future prison.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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