You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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