yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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