Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
