Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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