Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
