the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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