There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
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