I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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