i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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