dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
