Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
