Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
