We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
