She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
