im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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