we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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