I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
