hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
