Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
