Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
