The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
