hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
