yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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