i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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