I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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