I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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