Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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