So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
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He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
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Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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