I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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