How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
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tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
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Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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