what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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