Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
